[ HEADCANON ]

[amygdalae]

...yep, it was going to happen eventually. Spoilers for The Avengers.. if anybody still hasn't watched it up to Iron Man 3. Warnings for suicide mentions and several other depressing factors.

BEFORE

I think that before everything happened to him, Bruce was kind of a watered down version of Tony Stark. While he’s not a playboy or that wholly insufferable, he was still a bit over his head at times and didn’t quite listen to others when he should have, instead opting to work on his own terms. After all, no guy would be that crazy to test radiation on himself unless he was extremely confident—or completely foolish. That coupled with his own set of father issues does pretty much seem to show that Bruce did have a thing or two about proving himself worthy, especially considering how his father was to him and possibly to the community as well.

Being the pioneer of gamma radiation, I think, is one of the reasons why Bruce was perhaps too overconfident in himself. He was the one who knew best about the ins and outs of it, and he thought that he knew everything he could about it. It’s no doubt that Bruce is a master of his own subject, but all the same—it was his own arrogance that led to his downfall.

It’s precisely this reason why Bruce now is quiet and withdrawn, preferring to be away the spotlight rather than shine under it. He’s craved it once before and that ended in the most disastrous way possible, so now he just wants nothing more than to be a regular nobody again. He doesn’t see any credit in himself anymore, not after all the things that he’s done. He’s personally believes that he has caused more harm than good to the world, and it is for that he no longer has faith in himself to do what is right—because he ends up destroying everything instead.

THE INCIDENT

Bruce divides his life into many segments, but this one is possibly the one that he finds himself dwelling on the most: The Incident, that moment where his life shattered into millions of pieces with no hope of them being put back together again.

In the many years that has passed since that incident Bruce has blamed it on many things—the equipment, the circumstances, the day, the time, everything… but in the end, he always knows what the real problem had always been: the problem has always just been him. He was the one who had been too confident, too impulsive, too arrogant to not even stop and think that something would go wrong. He knows better than anybody else how entranced he had been by the prospects of fame and fortune if he had succeeded then—of being able to validate his life’s work and becoming well-known through the communities he frequented on. He wanted to be recognized for his abilities and talents by everyone else in the States and in the world.

Bruce knows by now that The Incident has been well-documented—Tony’s comment proved it for him, anyway—but he has never quite dared to look at what the footages show. His memories are more than enough, and Bruce can never forget what he had experienced during that moment; all the anger, the fear, the despair… it’ll always be there, ingrained into him, and perhaps in a way that is much more worse than what the curse of the Hulk brings.

HARLEM

Harlem is… Bruce doesn’t really like to talk about Harlem if he can help it, not just because of the Abomination but also because of the many unfortunate implications that Bruce came to realize about many things, the most important of them being as such: humanity isn’t good. At all.

Up until then, Bruce has only ever detested the US government for what they wanted to do with the Hulk’s power. He had always assumed that only the US government would be stupid/crazy enough to think that the Hulk could be a weapon, but Harlem proved to him otherwise. It just proved to him that any human could and would use the Hulk’s powers for their own purpose, and it’s that more than anything else that really stings him. He had trusted Mr. Blue, worked with him for so long and allowed him to help even though Bruce had been wary of everyone and everything already. He had placed his chances in this man—and then that trust was broken. It was pretty much the final straw for Bruce then.

Adding that to the fact that the Hulk couldn’t be cured—it was laughable, really, how easily the Hulk came out even though he was ‘cured’—really pushed Bruce over to the edge. By then he had realized that the Hulk could never leave him, just as he could never leave the Hulk. They were always going to be stuck together no matter what and there was never going to be a cure for his condition. So he brought himself up to a mountain and put a gun to his mouth, knowing that at least when he died here nobody would ever be able to find his body and his blood could never be found and used for anything else.

As we know though, life never really works out so easily for him.

PRE-AVENGERS

In the end, Bruce moved on.

He travelled around after his failed suicide attempt, trying to find a new way of life to settle in. With no hope of a cure or a means of escape, it’s safe to say that Bruce wandered around for a while, unsure of what to do next. There was nowhere for him to be, nothing to do and Bruce was just… lost for the longest time.

Becoming a doctor was more or less something that happened to him by accident. It was just mostly a case of being in the right place at the right time with nobody around who could help. Bruce just more or less took charge with whatever he knew about medical science from the studies he had done due to his project. Somehow, inexplicably, he had managed to help, and it was there he realized that he could still do something. He had done so much harm and damage as the Hulk, so it would only make sense that he had to give back in another way. So with that in mind, he went to take up doctoring. It was the best way for him to help people, after all the wrongs he had done. It was safe, it was a good deed—and more importantly, it helped him to move on.

He travelled around from place to place every few months at first, but eventually settled in the outskirts of Calcutta just about a year prior to the Avengers; or more specifically, when Bruce finally figured out how to strike a balance between himself and the beast inside of him.

CHILDHOOD

It may not be a spoken thing, but Bruce's childhood has left many deep impressions on him - more harm than good, if anybody would ever be aware of it.

Son of Brian Banner, a decorated physicist in his own right, the man had fallen into a state of paranoia and constant drunkenness by the time Bruce was born. Due to a series of events Brian believed that he had radiation in his body, and that radiation had affected Bruce as well. Bruce's naturally high IQ did not help to dissuade that notion, and so from the age of four (when his intellect was discovered) Bruce suffered abuse - both verbal and physical - at his father's hand. His mother tried numerous times to shield him from it, but more often than not those attempts ended in failure.

Everything came to a head when he was about twelve - his father was in one of his worst states, and Bruce was once again his outlet. Again, his mother came to try and get him away, but this time things got messy. Brian lost control and fought with his wife, and it led to Bruce seeing his father killing his own mother before his very eyes. After seeing his mother die on the floor right before him, Bruce found himself pinned to the wall with his father's hands on his throat. He was freaking out, panicking like any twelve year old would... and then he blacked out. When he came to, his father was dead as well, and there was blood on his hands.

Nobody could ever really figure out what had happened that night - Bruce holds absolutely no memory of what happened after blacking out, and the trauma was too great for him to even try and remember anything. Eventually the police was forced to close the case, putting it as a murder-suicide. Bruce was sent to his mother's relatives where he lived with him until he became of legal age, where then he set out to make a life of his own.

Bruce's childhood is the background for a lot of things that Bruce is now - going through the wrath of his father abuse made him a firm pacifist. While he understands the need for violence and the violence that this world requires, he doesn't resort to it himself unless wholly necessary. The lack of care he got has also made him very affection starved, and while he doesn't show it, once he lets somebody get close enough to him he'll wordlessly take in any show of affection he can get from others. He doesn't dare to ask either, because he's just far too used to being rejected by now that he can't take the pain of it again. He always gives people a way out, because he would rather let things end on agreed terms than let it all blow up.

CAPTURE

I am of the belief that Bruce has been captured by Ross before, one time in the early days of his run from the country. After all, no matter how smart you are it's still hard to leave the comforts of what you've lived with for so long. Bruce tried to run - he really did - but Ross was one step ahead of him and caught Bruce before he could go too far. From there he took Bruce possibly to some secret base and started to try and get readings out of him. Whatever that Ross could and would use in order to recreate the incident that created the Hulk because as he says 'something went very wrong... or it went very right'.

There was nothing too terrible that happened there, but things were still bad that it utterly broke whatever trust that Bruce had for Ross. As much as he had disliked Ross he was - is - Betty's father, and he could come to look at Ross as something of an authority figure he could at least respect somewhat. But what Ross did to him there though - capturing him and experimenting on him just for the other guy, treating Bruce as something less than human... needless to say, Bruce could never trust him again. Their ties were severed on that day.

Bruce didn't last for too long either in that place - he didn't have the patience and endurance he had now, and once he reached his breaking point (possibly about a week, or ten days at max) the Hulk came to the forefront. The Hulk, of course, proceeded to trash the place (and killing the two scientists Ross mentioned in the movie) and broke out, fleeing and making Bruce vanish off the radar.

After that, Bruce was never quite the same again.

BRIAN & REBACCA BANNER

Rebacca Banner is the reason why Bruce never looks down on women. She was an amazing mother to his eyes, and the most important woman to him back when he was a kid. She doted on him, and he loved her as all children did to their mothers. She was his rock and anchor, the one who made him feel loved and needed and wanted in this world. Until this day Bruce misses her whenever he thinks about her - but he doesn't so much because thinking of his mother makes him think of his father.

And the relationship with his father - Brian Banner - is a whole different story. As stated above Bruce suffered tremendous physical and verbal abuse from his father for as long as he could remember, which played a very big part in the low self-esteem that Bruce harbors towards himself now. Brian always made sure to let Bruce know how much of a freak he was due to his intelligence, and as much as Rebecca tried to protect him the damage had long since been done. The incident behind their deaths only served to traumatize Bruce even further, and to this day it remains as one of the biggest triggers within Bruce himself. Even SHIELD lacks the whole story due to the whole mystery around it.

Even until now effects of that abuse still haunt Bruce. A lot of what Bruce is now stems from the combination of the Hulk and the abuse he suffered at the hands of his father. In a way, being the Hulk nows makes Bruce think that his father's words are vindicated - no matter what he does or says or tries, he will always be a monster to everyone else. He will always be a freak, something that the world shouldn't have. Bruce is well aware of what an anomaly he is, and the knowledge of that is a constant burn in his mind.

Sometimes he hates being smart.

THE WALTERS FAMILY

As Bruce was still under eighteen after the death of his parents, he needed to be cared for still. There was nobody on his father's side - and honestly, Bruce's reaction to his father's name dissuaded the officials from trying too hard there anyway - so it fell to his mother's relatives to take Bruce in. With not much choice in the matter, they did, and it was clear that none any of them were pleased about it. They had all told Rebecca to leave Brian a long time ago, after all, but she didn't, and now she died and left Bruce - the son of the man who took her. It was clear that there wasn't going to be any pity for him.

Bruce came to realize that quickly himself, and so he had soon learned how to mostly stay out of their way and do his own thing. The lack of care made him withdraw from and world and into himself and bottle up everything because there was no way for him to let it out. Having been a victim of abuse, the lack of care only served to alienate Bruce from the world even further, but he was at least sharp enough to understand how was the best way to keep himself out of trouble. As angry as he was at the world, Bruce had no desire to end up like his father.

Possibly the only light he had then was Jennifer, the daughter of the family. She was the only one who ever bothered to talk to him and hang around him despite the disapproval of the others. Bruce thinks that the best thing of his childhood was pretty much just Jennifer. She was very much like the older sister he wished he had and even after he left for college continued to keep in touch with her. But as they got more involved in their lines of work (physics for Bruce, law for Jen) their contact became sparse, and considering his life now Bruce supposes it is for the best.

At times he does wonder how Jennifer is doing back home, but then decides it's better not to know. As long as she's alive and well, that's the most important thing that matters. She doesn't need to be dragged into his messes.

BETTY ROSS & GENERAL ROSS

Bruce met Betty first before Ross, having known her on and off due to his work and the seminars he was in/attended. They became fast friends though, and even closer after Ross knew about Bruce's work and brought him in to try and create an alternative for the supersoldier serum used on Steve Rogers back in WW2. Ross, having known of Bruce's pacifist streak from Betty (and what with his own general dislike of scientists in general) did not tell Bruce the whole story - as far as Bruce was concerned, he was working on radiation resistance for soldiers.

Betty became Bruce's assistant during his work there, and they grew close. Bruce was at first terrified of his growing relationship with Betty, scared that he would end up like his father. But Betty assured him and listened as Bruce laid out most of his cards on the table so that Betty would understand what she was getting into with him. She did, and Bruce was glad - and honestly, until the incident life had been pretty much perfect. Betty is the sun within the darkness of his life, the one person who ever accepted Bruce for who he is, Hulk or no Hulk. He thinks the world of Betty, really - which is why he believes that she deserves someone better than a person like him. Especially after Harlem, and his eventual attempted suicide. Ever since Harlem Bruce hasn't quite dared to check up on Betty, knowing that it had affected her a lot. He doesn't deserve to drag her in even more than she already has been, and in a way this is for the best.

In regards to General Ross - Bruce's relationship had always been strained, but in a way he had still looked up to him as something of an authority figure, as mentioned above. Ross was still somebody he respected, and a person he put up with for Betty's sake even though it's clear that their views differed a lot. There's no lost love between them, but after the capture and Harlem... whatever respect he had for Ross has since vanished. Now all Bruce feels for Ross is a deep, dark hate for the things he tried to do to Betty, and what he did to Blonsky. Even if Blonsky asked for it, Ross should not have encouraged it. Bruce hates Ross for his power hungry ways, and all the betrayals were just the icing on the cake. If there is one guy Bruce wouldn't mind hitting as the Hulk, its Ross.

TONY STARK

Tony Stark is the man Bruce wanted to be, once upon a time. The first time he knew about Tony was when he was about fourteen and Tony had been featured in a science magazine for graduating MIT. They were both the same age, so needless to say Bruce was impressed with Tony's... ability, to put it mildly. But from that point on, Bruce had made it his own ambition to be just as successful as Tony, and on that point pushed himself all the way. Being the pioneer in gamma radiation was pretty much his own personal response to Stark Indisturies being the top weapons developer and supplier. Of course, they still hadn't met, but in a way Bruce could feel himself being closer to Tony. Being more on his level.

In truth had his gamma experiment been a success then Ross would have had liased with Stark Industries, and Bruce was aware of that - which is why he had pushed himself so hard to succeed, was so desperate to make it perfect. Why he was impatient and hasty and in the end cost everything he had.

Thus when he met the other in the Avengers... well, there were mixed feelings about it. Awe, of course, because he is still brilliant no matter what. A sense of trepidation because he can't help but wonder how Tony would think of it - and a sad acceptance because he expected Tony to just treat him the same as everyone else: a failure and a monster, the man who cages the beast. Imagine his surprise when Tony didn't do that - and instead did so much more. He accepted Bruce for simply who he was and even tried to help, in his own way. And... well, that just meant a hell lot to Bruce, so much more than what he could ever bring himself to hope for.

Tony brought a new lease into Bruce's life, especially after the events of the Avengers. While Bruce did go off for a while, eventually he returned after Tony kept pestering him and Bruce couldn't help but give in. He settled in with Tony and his company, got to know Pepper and Rhodey and Happy and was drafted to work for Stark Industries for a while before deciding that being the representative/liason of the Maria Stark Foundation suited him better, given his penchant for running to help in disaster areas and other charity work.

Bruce isn't entirely comfortable with the attention on him again, but he's trying to cope - and he knows this is just Tony's way of asking him to stick around, so he does so. And admittedly, it is nice to have a place somewhere again after all his years of having nowhere. Tony has done so much for him, really, and Bruce is eternally grateful for all that he's done. He can only hope that he can do the same in return one day.

POST-AVENGERS

Bruce's life after the formation of the Avengers was... surprsingly quiet, to put it in a way. As in, there wasn't really anything that required his services after that. As stated above, Bruce returned to Calcutta at first to try and settle himself again, but after over a month of being pestered by Tony Stark he eventually agreeded to return back to the States and tried to start a new lease of life after being made free from the danger of Thaddeus Ross by the efforts of both Tony and SHIELD.

He stayed with Tony at first, getting to know the other people in his life - Pepper, Rhodey and Happy as he spent some time reacquainting himself with the city life again. As much as he appreciated Tony's generosity though, Bruce eventually didn't want to live off Tony's charity and planned to leave. Tony, however, beat him to the punch by drafting Bruce to work in Stark Industries as one of their private consultants. Bruce was still skeptical since his field of work really didn't mesh well with SI these days, and then Pepper suggested that he be made the liason/representative of the Maria Stark Foundation, considering that it was a philatrophic organization and worked better in Bruce's favor.

With not much of a choice in the matter after that, Bruce accepted, and with that his name was known to the press once more. None of them, of course, related Bruce to the Hulk, but the attention still made him uncomfortable anyway. Doubly so when Betty appeared in his life again and they talked - she had moved on since Harlem and had married somebody else, a fact Bruce was sad about, but still glad because it was something good to Betty. She deserved it, after all that had happened. They parted amiably and still keep in contact with each other to the present day.

As the representative of the foundation, Bruce was kept busy with meetings and arrangements to help out in disaster areas, things that he liked to do and made him feel better about what he did now. He slowly started to grow comfortable with the Hulk as well, acknowledging it better although it would still be a long while before he would ever come to proper acceptance. But besides all of that, Tony's condition was getting from bad to worse in the months after New York - he started to sleep less and work more, and after every trip Bruce returned from he could see the way Tony kept sinking deeper and deeper into his own fears and uncertainties. He tried to help, but knew that ultimately this was something Tony himself needed to overcome.

During the events of Iron Man 3 he had been in Glasgow, Scotland working for an arrangement that he wanted to settle. He caught the news of what had happened on TV and spent the time calling up SI and everyone in Tony's support system to get the story. When none of them responded, he grew worried and was at a complete loss. SHIELD wasn't responding either, and Bruce was about to go and book the first flight back to USA when he saw that Tony was alive (by rescuing the passengers from Air Force One, no less) and... well, as they say, the rest is history.

Although having to listen to a two hour monologue about what had happened wasn't exactly what Bruce had in mind when Tony called him back. But he will admit that he is glad that Tony is alright - and better now, it seems.

BONUS: S.H.I.E.L.D PERSONNEL FILES

   
(credit: here)